What a Toxic Boss Taught Me About Control
READING TIME - 4 MINUTES
I once worked for a manager who didn’t trust me.
He didn’t see me as part of his team.
He saw me as competition.
At first, I didn’t realize it.
I thought he was just tough.
I thought if I worked harder, communicated more, and proved myself, things would get better.
They didn’t.
He kept me out of meetings I should’ve been in.
He presented my work as his own when I wasn’t in the room.
He questioned every move I made, every motive I had, every idea I shared.
And slowly, it started working.
My confidence slipped.
My motivation faded.
My energy drained.
Every day, I showed up smaller than the day before.
It took a toll on everything — my work, my attitude, even my mental health.
When someone chips away at your worth long enough, you start believing them.
Until one day, I stopped.
The Breaking Point
I remember sitting in my car before work and realizing I had become someone I didn’t recognize.
Quiet. Careful. Numb.
That’s when it hit me.
I had given him too much control.
He didn’t take my power.
I handed it to him.
That’s when everything changed.
I stopped reacting.
I started observing.
I started managing him.
I realized his behavior had nothing to do with me.
He was insecure.
He felt threatened.
He needed control to feel safe.
So I gave him control — but only where it didn’t matter.
And while he was busy feeling powerful, I took back ownership of the things that did.
The Lessons I Learned
If you’ve ever worked for someone toxic, here’s what I learned the hard way.
1. You’re in control … more than you think.
Toxic managers thrive on your reaction.
Once you stop giving it to them, their power fades.
2. Don’t absorb their insecurity.
Their fear, ego, and jealousy are not your problem.
You didn’t create them, and you can’t fix them.
3. Manage them strategically.
Give them the illusion of control in areas that don’t impact your growth.
Play the long game … stay calm, stay observant, and stay professional.
4. Document everything.
Write things down. Keep records.
Facts are your protection when emotions run high.
5. Plan your exit … but don’t rush it.
Quitting on the spot feels good for five minutes.
Leaving with clarity, confidence, and options feels good forever.
The Shift
When I finally decided to leave, it wasn’t because I was angry.
It was because I was free.
I had learned something powerful … it wasn’t me.
It was him.
He was an insecure leader who should’ve never been promoted.
But he became one of my greatest teachers.
Because of him, I lead differently now.
I listen more.
I trust my team.
I never lead through fear.
And most importantly, I never confuse someone’s potential with my insecurity.
Closing Thought
If you’re stuck under a toxic boss, remember this.
You may not be able to change them, but you can always change how you handle them.
Their behavior doesn’t define your future.
Your choices do.
You can manage through it.
You can learn from it.
And when you’re ready ... you can walk away with your head high and your power intact.
If you’re stuck under a toxic leader, you still have options.
Let’s uncover them together before burnout