Stop asking for feedback. Do this instead

Career · Leadership

By Feras Asakrieh · 5 min read · Issue #05

Iasked for feedback for two years straight. Won awards. Got told I was a rock star. My manager looked me in the eye and said I was next in line. I believed every word of it. Then a promotion came up. I was the most qualified person for that role. I knew it. My manager knew it. Everyone knew it. I interviewed for that position seven times. Seven rounds. Seven conversations. Preparing. Performing. Waiting. The role went to someone else.

What I found out hit me harder than the rejection itself. The person who got that job was already known at the executive level before the position was ever posted. The decision had already been made. Quietly. In conversations I was never part of. My seven interviews were not a process. They were theater. And in that moment, everything I thought I understood about career advancement fell apart. I had been playing the feedback game. Obsessively. Perfectly. And it was the wrong game entirely.

Here is the difference.

Feedback tells you what you did wrong. A mentor listens and advises. A sponsor acts. A sponsor does not just support you. They advocate for you. They use their own credibility to open doors for you. They say "you should talk to this person" and then make the introduction happen. They say "we need someone like her for this project" in meetings that decide people's futures. Feedback makes you better at your current job. Sponsorship gets you the next one.

How to build sponsorship on purpose.

Step 1: Identify two or three people two levels above you who have influence over the decisions that matter to you. Not your manager. People with reach beyond your immediate world.

Step 2: Find a way to be genuinely useful to them. What problem are they trying to solve? The goal is not to impress them. The goal is to make them want to be in your corner because you have already been in theirs.

Step 3: Make your work visible at their level. Share your wins upward, briefly and without apology. That is not bragging. That is communication.

Step 4: Ask for the right thing. When the relationship is real, be direct. "I am aiming for a director role in the next 18 months. Is there any project where you think I could contribute at that level?" That gives them something actionable.

Step 5: Protect the relationship like it matters. Sponsors put their credibility on the line for you. Never let them down publicly.

After that promotion, I stopped obsessing over feedback. I started paying attention to relationships. Real relationships with people who had real influence. People whose opinion of me would matter when a room full of leaders was deciding someone's future. The career moves that followed did not come from interview processes. They came from conversations I was not even in. Someone said my name. That was enough.

Connect with Feras

Stop Asking for Feedback. Do This Instead

Subscribe to the Newsletter